✨ You Are Not Alone

It Would Be the Last Time

I have lived through what many only imagine. I know the sting of words like,

“I’d never stay.”
“They wouldn’t get a second chance.”

Words like these, often spoken by people who have never faced domestic violence, can wound deeply. They carry shame for survivors who stay, silence for those who can’t yet leave, and judgment for choices made under fear.

My separation was abrupt. It came after an unforgivable act and a savage beating that forced the words from my lips:

“You just signed the divorce papers.”

Within three months, without a lawyer, I was divorced. I never saw him alive again, and neither did my children, who were both under three at the time. He died from unrelated causes eight years later.

As quickly as that, our life together was over. Now my children have children of their own, and they only know him by name. He wasn’t an evil person—that was the hardest part. He was broken.

The system, in my case, brought protection and closure. It allowed me to step forward, even though the loss carried a weight of its own.

But I know my experience is not every survivor’s experience. For many, courtrooms and paperwork do not offer safety. Instead, they become another battlefield where the abuser still exerts power, using:

financial coercion
endless filings
twisted narratives to make the victim look unreasonable

Too often, this is labeled “high conflict,” as if both people are choosing to fight.

The truth is different. Sometimes the conflict does not belong to both parties at all, it belongs to the abuser, while the survivor is left to endure.

Why the Conversation Must Change

Survivors like us deserve trauma-aware and trauma-informed responses, not judgment or labels that blur the reality of abuse. They deserve systems and resources that acknowledge coercive control, financial abuse, and the way court processes can be weaponized.

We must stop asking, “Why did they stay?”
and begin asking, “How can we make it safer for them to leave?”

We Decide

We Decide was born from this truth, and from my story. My passion is deeply rooted in ensuring others are not left to navigate separation and violence in silence.

Here, you will find tools, resources, and pathways that are affordable, compassionate, and safe.

✨You are not to blame.

There is help, there is healing, and there is hope.

A Safety & Resource Guide for Survivors of Domestic Partner Violence
(Part of the Divorce Dollars & Sense Toolkit)

💡 At We Decide, we are committed to inclusive, trauma-informed resources for all survivors — women, men, children, and LGBTQ+ communities. No one should be silenced, or left behind.

If you are experiencing abuse, control, or violence from a partner, please know this: you are not to blame, you are not alone, and help is available. In moments of fear or crisis, having tools and strategies at your fingertips can save precious time and may even save your life. This handout provides practical steps, universal signs of distress, and compassionate resources to support your safety.

💡 Immediate Safety Steps

Trust Your Instincts – If something feels unsafe, it probably is. Prioritize your safety over belongings.
Know Your Exits – When arguments escalate, position yourself near a door or escape route. Avoid kitchens or bathrooms where weapons or confinement are more likely.
Emergency Bag – If possible, pack (or keep hidden) essentials such as identification, bank cards, a change of clothes, medication, and keys.
Digital Copies – Keep scans of your passport, ID, or important documents in a secure online folder (encrypted cloud, password-protected email).

🖐 The Universal Signal for Help

If you are in danger and need to discreetly signal for help:

Hold one hand up, palm facing the camera or person.
Tuck your thumb into your palm.
Close your fingers down over your thumb (like a fist).

This universal hand signal communicates silently: “I need help. Violence is happening.”
It can be used on video calls, in person, or anywhere someone might see you.

🌍 Universal Strategies to Stay Safer

Safe Word – Choose a code word or phrase with a trusted friend/family member that means “call for help.”
Regular Check-ins – Arrange a routine (text, call, or email). Missed check-ins = a red flag.
Emergency Contacts – Save local emergency numbers, shelters, and hotlines under neutral names in your phone.
Location Sharing – If safe, share your location with someone you trust through your phone.
Technology Safety – Clear browser history after searching for resources. Consider using “incognito” or private mode.
Public Help Points – In airports, hotels, pharmacies, and some stores, staff are often trained to respond to a request for help. In some regions, asking for “Angela” or “Mask 19” signals domestic violence to staff.

🧳 If Traveling with a Volatile Partner

Carry digital backups of ID and travel documents.
Write down embassy/consulate contacts for your destination.
Keep emergency cash or a prepaid card separate from shared luggage.
Learn local emergency numbers (not all countries use “911”).

📌 Resources for Survivors - You don’t have to walk this path alone. If you or someone you love is facing domestic partner violence, here are some supportive resources:

📞 24/7 Crisis Support (Canada) – ShelterSafe.ca

📞 U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline – Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or visit thehotline.org

📞 UK National Domestic Abuse Helpline – Call 0808 2000 247/ Visit www.refuge.org.uk

🌍 For Men Experiencing Abuse – 1in6.org | Men’s Advice Line (UK)

🏳️‍🌈 For LGBTQ+ & Same-Sex Couples – The Network/La Red (US) | LGBT Ireland Helpline | ACON (Australia)
🌐 Global Resources – Divorce Dollars & Sense Global List Coming Soon!

💜 Remember

Violence is never your fault. You are not weak for seeking help—you are courageous. Reaching out may feel impossible, but even the smallest step, a whispered word, or a hand signal can open the door to safety.

You deserve peace. You deserve freedom. You deserve to be safe.